Christians Are Not Immune to Suicidal Thoughts
Over the last few weeks, I’ve seen and heard about suicide and overdose again and again.
Two people I went to high school with recently died from drug overdoses. I don’t know if it was accidental or intentional.
But one thing especially broke my heart:
One of them loved Jesus and was pursuing ministry.
And I think we need to talk about something the church sometimes struggles to acknowledge:
Christians are not immune to suicidal thoughts.
Loving Jesus does not automatically make someone untouchable to depression, despair, trauma, addiction, intrusive thoughts, spiritual warfare, burnout, chronic pain, hormonal imbalance, nervous system dysregulation, or mental illness.
As someone who worked for years as a school counselor, part of my job was training teachers and students what to do when they noticed warning signs that someone may be considering suicide.
We taught something called QPR:
Question. Persuade. Refer.
Honestly, I believe every church should have some form of suicide prevention training — not just pastors, but entire congregations.
Because sometimes the warning signs are subtle.
A cryptic Facebook post.
A sudden goodbye.
Isolation.
Giving things away.
Hopelessness.
Talking about being a burden.
Sudden peace after severe depression.
Increased drug or alcohol use.
Or someone constantly joking about wanting to die.
And Christians often don’t know what to do.
What Is QPR?
QPR stands for:
Question. Persuade. Refer.
It is often described as “CPR for a suicide crisis.”
The idea is simple:
Most people are not therapists, pastors, psychiatrists, or crisis counselors.
But they may be the first person to notice someone is struggling.
QPR teaches ordinary people how to respond when they believe someone may be suicidal.
And honestly? I believe churches should be teaching this too.
Q — Question
This is the hardest part for most people.
Because fear kicks in.
“What if I’m wrong?”
“What if I offend them?”
“What if I make things worse?”
“What if asking puts the idea in their head?”
But asking directly does NOT create suicidal thoughts.
In many cases, it actually creates relief because someone finally feels seen.
You have to ask clearly and directly:
“Are you thinking about killing yourself?”
Or:
“Are you thinking about suicide?”
Not:
“You’re not going to do anything crazy, right?”
Not:
“You’re just stressed, right?”
Direct question.
Calm tone.
No shame.
And if they say yes, stay calm.
Do not panic.
Do not immediately preach.
Do not shame them.
Do not make them feel guilty for struggling.
Stay grounded and present.
People in deep despair already often feel like a burden.
Your calmness communicates:
“You are safe to tell the truth.”
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can communicate is:
“I’m here, and you don’t have to carry this alone.”
P — Persuade
If the answer is yes, your job is not to become their counselor.
Your job is to persuade them to stay alive long enough to get help.
Listen.
Stay calm.
Take them seriously.
Avoid arguing, preaching, debating theology, or minimizing what they are feeling.
You are not there to fix everything in one conversation.
You are there to help them take the next step toward safety and support.
Sometimes persuasion sounds like:
“Let me help you.”
“Can I stay with you?”
“Let’s call someone together.”
“You do not have to carry this alone.”
If they are in immediate danger — especially if they have a plan and intent to hurt themselves — do not leave them alone.
Call emergency services, crisis support, trusted family members, pastors, or mental health professionals.
Do not carry this alone.
R — Refer
This is where many well-meaning Christians stop too soon.
Prayer matters.
Deliverance matters.
Community matters.
But if someone is actively suicidal, they often need additional support.
Help connect them to resources.
That may include:
A licensed counselor
A psychiatrist
Their doctor
A trusted pastor
Family members
Emergency services if they are in immediate danger
And sometimes it may include a Mobile Crisis Unit.
Many areas now have Mobile Crisis Teams — mental health professionals who can come to a person’s home or location during a behavioral health crisis to assess the situation, help de-escalate, provide support, and connect the person to care.
If you do not know whether your area has one, you can call 988 and ask.
Important Resources
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
If someone is experiencing suicidal thoughts, emotional distress, a mental health crisis, or a substance use crisis, they can call or text 988 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Family members and friends can also call if they are worried about someone they love.
Emergency Services
If someone has a specific plan, means to carry it out, and immediate intent to harm themselves, call 911 or seek emergency medical care immediately.
The Church Has to Stop Oversimplifying This
I fully believe there can be a spiritual component to suicidal thoughts.
Personally, I believe suicidal thoughts are often an indication that deeper healing, freedom, deliverance, or inner healing may be needed.
But I also believe we live in a fallen world with broken bodies, broken nervous systems, trauma, hormonal imbalance, chronic illness, addiction, and real mental health struggles.
Sometimes there are spiritual roots.
Sometimes there are neurological roots.
Often, it is both.
This is not either/or.
A person can need prayer AND therapy.
Deliverance AND medication.
Intercession AND psychiatric support.
Community AND counseling.
The church has to stop acting like getting mental health help means someone lacks faith.
Even Elijah Wanted to Die
One of the things that stands out to me in scripture is Elijah in 1 Kings 19.
He had just experienced one of the greatest spiritual victories in the Bible.
Fire literally fell from heaven.
And immediately afterward, Elijah became overwhelmed, exhausted, afraid, and suicidal.
He told God:
“It is enough; now, O Lord, take away my life.”
And what fascinates me is that God’s first response was not correction.
It was rest.
Food.
Water.
Sleep.
Care.
God ministered to Elijah spiritually AND physically.
I think sometimes we forget that humans are both spiritual and physical beings.
Stop Shaming Christians for Struggling
One of the most dangerous lies in Christian culture is:
“If you really trusted God, you wouldn’t feel this way.”
That simply is not true.
Job cursed the day he was born.
David wrote psalms from places of anguish and despair.
Paul spoke of despairing even of life.
We cannot create church cultures where people feel they must hide their suffering in order to appear spiritual.
If You Are the One Struggling
Please hear me clearly:
Intrusive suicidal thoughts do not automatically mean you truly want to die.
Sometimes they are symptoms of trauma.
Exhaustion.
Depression.
Hormonal imbalance.
Chronic pain.
Spiritual oppression.
Nervous system overload.
Medication changes.
Isolation.
Grief.
You are not weak for reaching out.
Tell someone.
Tell a pastor.
Tell a counselor.
Tell a trusted friend.
Tell a doctor.
Bring darkness into the light.
And if you are in immediate danger, call emergency services or the 988 crisis line immediately.
Jesus is not afraid of your pain.
And getting help is not a lack of faith.
Sometimes the most spiritual thing a person can do is stay alive long enough to heal.
A Message to Pastors and Church Leaders
Honestly, I believe the church needs to become better equipped for conversations surrounding suicide, mental health, crisis response, and emotional suffering.
Not just pastors.
Congregations too.
Because many times, the first person someone confides in is not a therapist.
It is a friend.
A small group leader.
A youth pastor.
A volunteer.
A mentor.
And people genuinely want to help — they just often do not know what to do or what to say.
As someone who spent years as a school counselor and received suicide prevention training through QPR, I would love to help equip churches in this area.
So if you are a pastor, youth pastor, ministry leader, or church staff member and would like a free training for your leadership team or congregation on:
recognizing warning signs
how to ask direct questions
what to do in a crisis and what the resources are in your area
how to respond appropriately
and how to connect people with help
…I would genuinely be honored to serve your church.
This is something I care deeply about.
Because I believe the church should be one of the safest places in the world for people to admit they are struggling.
You can reach out to me through my Substack messages or through my email at: deeplyrootedwriley@gmail.com
